Today’s Prompt: We all have anxieties, worries, and fears. What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears.
Today’s Twist: Write this post in a style distinct from your own.
Cockroaches! There, I said it! Phew… well, I don’t fear them as such, but I do find them filthy! Agh…the hairy legs, muddy flat body, that disgusting white ring diving the head and the abdomen, and those two long gigantic tentacles…Ew! I feel that this hatred towards this species can be traced back to my childhood, when I was chased by a flying cockroach! No shit; It was nasty! And after that day, I was never the same again…
But there are things which I’m more afraid of than a puny cockroach (Mr. Cockroach, I mean you no disrespect, sir). The biggest of them all is disappointing my parents, and along the way, disappointing myself.
You see, I’m clumsily trudging at that point of my life where the path before me is covered in thick grey fog. So thick that even a searchlight can’t penetrate it. Its emptiness envelops me, thereby leaving me completely hopeless. It erases the barrier between cynicism and realism for me. It blurs the very road of optimism, which I used to think would lead me to a happy life.
The thing is, I have two more years of High School before me, then it’s, hopefully, a university in the States or UK. Therefore, according to the society, I must have a clear plan, or a very detailed blueprint, of my life with me. I must know the marks that I ought to be bringing in my exams, the university I’ll be getting into, the career I’ll be choosing, the company I’ll be working with and the salary I’ll be getting. But sadly, I have no damn idea of what I want to do. No clue what I want to study, where I want to study (maybe that’s a bit clear) or what I want to do with life after that.
It’s just that since I was a hairless, ever-curious child, I always wanted to do something different. Something unconventional. I did not want to end up like the herd; I wanted something more with my life. A nine to five job was the one thing that I never wanted. Even the idea of such a monotonous life made me creep out. But this is not the kind of stuff the society teaches you, right?
And more than that, these are the most clichéd lines ever told in the world. Almost every adult says, ‘when I was a child of your age, I used to think that the whole world was in my pocket. But deary, when we grow up we have expectations to meet and promises to keep. I’m pretty sure one day you’ll end up slowly dying in front of computers…’ So clichéd, yet the bare truth.
Honestly speaking, nothing seems to be clear right now. After all those nights I’ve spent digging through the deepest alleys of Quora, I have found out that many people have made it large. They truly have lived their lives. They have quit their jobs, lost themselves in the coolest corners of the world only to find who they truly are. I’ve read about people stuck in the stickiest cobweb of other’s expectations, only to snap out of it and fulfill their own dreams. Sadly this does not help. I’m constantly on the curb of giving in to realism (or cynicism…I don’t know). My optimism is squished by the arguments of the society which sound surprisingly reasonable and safe! Therefore, the only thing I’m afraid of at this juncture of my life is that somehow ten years later, I’ll end up failing my younger self, who used to boast of making a difference. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know if I will be able to walk the road not taken. I don’t know if I’ll lose the little spark of madness that is there in me.. I don’t know. I just don’t know…