Darth Vader Receives A Scarlet Letter…

Darth Vader or the Dark Lord of the Sith was sitting hunched up in the most comfortable seat of the Empire and reading a letter. A letter by a fellow explorer, Spock, who had once defeated ‘the chosen one’ and had brought the Jedis back into the limelight. He was not from the Federation nor from the Republic, but from a galaxy ‘not’ so far away…!

Vader read and re-read the letter.

It said:

Dear Vader,

It has been long since we spoke. But you just can’t seem to forget me. It was just last week when I had to bury your gawkish Strormtroopers. Poor souls! By the time they lifted their weapons, they lay dead on the ground. I thought that your army was much more able than ‘that’.

By the way, this was not the reason of my writing to you. I have heard rumours, with pretty solid evidence, that you have lost this year’s competition for the Darkest Lord ever! It was a shock when I heard that you lost to the Indian demon king, Raavan. But… I always knew he was better than you. Oh…come on…! He has ten heads, with ten brilliantly sharp brains! Well, that truly sounds like a true dark lord!

And, for your information, you are not even dark. Leaving your clothes (which you wear to hide your hideous face and brainless head) you’re not even close to dark. Just reflect back on how pale you looked just seconds before you got yourself burnt! It is also funny how you make your evil army wear white. I think they would look more beautiful in pink! (Well, the pink colour won’t look bad on you either).

I sometimes wonder why you even became the Sith Lord in the first place. Well, this is the best I could come up with.

You became a Sith Lord because you:

o   Wanted cool voice like Voldemort (you know that evil guy, who thought he could kill Harry Potter with just a cracked up stick and an army of ugly faced ‘wizards’, flying on broom sticks… Yeah, that one! Well, he just failed)

o   Owed money to Lord Shiva and could refinance debt through the Empire

o   Were charmed by the cool black mask, which could hide your hair fall issues.

o   Wanted to impress Bella (Yeah, the one who turns into a vampire in Twilight. I know, in your free time, you read those girlish crapy novels to plan your next strategy)

o   Were impressed by the generous Dark Lords of the Sith pension plan.

I know that’s the truth Vader… Admit it!

Ohkay! I know what you are feeling right now… How can Spock know all of my secrets… So here’s a joke to lighten up your mood.

Q. Which dark lord works at a restaurant…? Any guesses…? It’s easy old man…

Darth Waiter!

Ha…ha… There! I got you!

On a serious note, do you know that Harry Potter just shared a video of you singing Justin Bieber’s songs while in the bathroom! It has already got ten thousand likes and still trending. Brother, you have become quite famous indeed..

Yoda tells me that he has discovered a new formula that could help recover your burnt skin. And guess what, it’s free! You just need to apply some red and green algae on your face and later on wash it with the droppings of an elephant. It’s the same formula that the chimpanzees in Africa use whenever they get burnt… and it’s pretty effective!

Sorry, I have to cut short. But Obi-Wan Kenobi wanted to send you a new light saber (because you broke your previous one playing ‘Barbie Doll’ with it) (so disregardful of you) but I couldn’t trust the slow service of the Empire.

Your sincere well-wisher (apparently),

(With a smirk)

Spock aka the Vulcan aka your death!

Live Long And Prosper.

P.S. – Miley Cyrus has got a serious crush on you. Sources tell, she hangs your portrait in her studio in the middle of those of the other cats!!